I used to blame my worrisome nature on General Anxiety Disorder, but these days it's much simpler to give into the narrative and blame the political climate. There's a lot to worry about. Our physical, emotional, and psychological safeties are compromised, and many people are thrown into a state of instability they've never dealt with before.
I have struggled with all of these things over the last few months, causing my PTSD to be re-triggered and for me to fall down a rabbit hole that sadly doesn't end with tea time. For weeks now, I've been trying to figure out why. For me, not much has changed. I am still oppressed no matter which way you look at it. I am still required to jump through hoops to justify my existence. So why am I being affected like this?
Yesterday, I shared that I was no longer planning events ahead like I normally would. Normally my speaking schedule is filled a few months in advance, and I take pride in being able to make my speaking, full-time job, and non-profit executive roles work. I have always known that any day could be my last day, in the United States, or even in the planet. It has never truly affected my work, until now.
Sometimes, our anxieties, worries, and stress over take us, and they end up with a life of their own. We forget who we are, what we're made of, and the things we've gone through already to get to where we are now. This isn't new. It's slightly innovated, but at its core its the same hate we have always dealt with. We may be tired, and in need of a break, but it doesn't change the fact that we are incredible and resilient human beings that have stood in the face of hate and oppression before and kicked ass (excuse my language). As I like to say, we Awesome!
A friend of mine reminded me today that if we live in a world of what ifs, and allow our lives to be lead by fear, then we're letting them win. One of our greatest tools for resistance is wellness, taking charge of our lives, and living. And she's absolutely right. I shouldn't change anything for anyone. I shouldn't expect the worst everyday of my life. If I do then I risk living the rest of my life waiting for my life to start. And as most of you know, I'm not a fan of waiting. So here's to living, not just because we deserve to, but because as long as we are they can not win. Who's with me?
Ahmad Abojaradeh is the Co-Founder of Muslim Community Link, An Engineer, a world traveler, a Peer Support Specialist, a Novelist and the founder and editor of Life in My Days. He hopes to spread awareness of living a life of wellness through his writing, workshops and speaker events. Follow Ahmad on twitter, instagram or facebook.